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- Remember the Fatherless and Absent - A Fatherless Documentary
- By Warwick Marsh
- Contributed by: Admin ( 27 articles in 2013 )
A publication for parents on the wrong side of the standard possession order.
"I see my child two days out of every fourteen; 14%. That's not enough."
Remember the Fatherless – Essay by Warwick Marsh
Twenty-six people are dead, twenty of them children, and the world mourns. President Obama summed up the feelings of people all over the world very well.
Father of two girls himself, Obama wiped away tears while delivering a statement about the shooting saying, "Our hearts are broken today. The majority of those who died today were children. Beautiful little kids between the ages of 5 and 10 years of age."
We rightly mourn this tragedy but fail to recognise the tragedy behind the increasing levels of mindless violence afflicting our world today. Fatherlessness. This is the elephant in the room. A tragedy that no one wants to recognise, least of all do something about.
The young man who killed these children, killed his own mother and then himself, was fatherless.
Adam Lanza was 20 years old. He was a victim of his parent's divorce. In 2009, when Adam was 17, his parents broke up and his father moved away. His story is not dissimilar to Anders Breivik who killed 77 people in Norway in 2011. Robert Bly in Iron John writes about the pain and the effect of fatherlessness. "He (my father) was inaccessible in some other way and the hole in me filled with demons as Mitscherlich predicted. Older men whom I hardly knew received the anger."
Melanie Phillips, in writing about the violence of the London Riots in 2011 said, "So now the chickens have well and truly come home terrifyingly to roost. The violent anarchy that has taken hold of British cities is the all-too-predictable outcome of a three-decade liberal experiment which tore up virtually every basic social value...
“For most of these children come from lone-mother households. And the single most crucial factor behind all this mayhem is the willed removal of the most important thing that socialises children and turns them from feral savages into civilised citizens: a father who is a fully committed member of the family unit.
“Of course there are many lone parents who do a tremendous job. But we're talking here about widespread social collapse. And there are whole areas of Britain, white as well as black, where committed fathers are a wholly unknown phenomenon...
“The result is fatherless boys who are consumed by an existential rage and desperate emotional need, and who take out the damage done to them by lashing out from infancy at everyone around them. Such children inhabit what is effectively a different world from the rest of society. It's a world without any boundaries or rules. A world of emotional and physical chaos."
Thankfully there are still some brave people prepared to talk about the elephant in the room. Justin Hunt, one of those brave ones, has gone one step further and created a documentary that reads like a giant advertisement for the mission of Dads4Kids, which is to turn the tide of fatherlessness and help our children lead exceptional lives.
The documentary is fittingly called 'Absent' and has won Best Documentary at four film festivals and has been lauded by critics and movie goers alike.
Here are some comments:
• "Hunt connects with this on a personal and cultural level, and his love of people and desire for our society to create healthy Dads shows in every scene. The movie is a wakeup call to what we have co-created in our and makes some good suggestions about how to get started fixing it. His passion for being part of the solution shows through, and it gave me hope for what we might accomplish together in our world with increased awareness."-Boysen Hodgson, The ManKind Project.
• All families have some sort of dysfunction. This DVD was great for me and made me look inside myself. It should be viewed by everyone. Everyone can take something away from this film, regardless if your father was "absent"
• Just finished watching Absent (Documentary) and it was one of the best film's I have ever seen in my life!
• My wife ordered this movie for me after I talked about seeing the preview on the Metallica website, and we watched it tonight and loved it! You did an amazing job with this documentary and topic. I do hope everyone watches this movie and tells others about it. Thank you for dealing with such a strong issue that most just don't want to deal with.
Filmmaker Justin Hunt says, "Your father is the first person in your life who either chooses you or doesn't. If he doesn't, there's a hole so deep that there's no bottom floor." According to Hunt, 71 percent of pregnant teens come from fatherless households. More than 60 percent of youth suicides occur in homes without fathers. More than 70 percent of high school dropouts say they had no father figure in their lives, as do 60 percent of repeat rapists. "My father?" said one young man, shaking his head despondently. "He was never there."
Father Richard Rohr, who travels the world speaking about male spirituality, said in "Absent" that the "father wound is perhaps the most universal wound for men on this Earth." Rohr, who lives in Albuquerque, N.M., visits men in prison where the subject of father-loss often comes up. "Almost half the time, they'll still find a way to idolize him," Rohr said. "They still hope that he will be a hero." The other half? "They hate their father. They experience a rage that turns toward violence, on themselves or externally. It's as certain as the dawn."
Dads4Kids has the opportunity to bring this award winning movie to Australia in late February 2013, the same time that 'Metallica' will be on tour. Metallica's front man, James Hetfield is one of the fathers featured in the movie. Producer Jason Hunt is passionate to turn the tide of fatherlessness and has offered to bring the movie to Australia. This will get the message out to everyone and be a fundraiser for Dads4Kids.
We want to take 'Absent' to every capital city and start a conversation to heal Australia of fatherlessness. If you would like to screen the movie, or can help as a major sponsor please call 0418 225 212 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
Yours for our children
Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 36 years. He is the grandfather of three children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 30 years to 19 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.
The Fourteen Percenter is an international newsletter that seeks to promote equal parenting rights in the US, the UK, and worldwide. We welcome feedback, as well as any article, poem, or review relating to the child-parent bond. Send your letters to http://email@example.com. For other issues, visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NCP-TX-Grayson/messages
“The 4 Rich Countries Where Women Out-Earn Men (With 1 Huge Caveat)” is an interesting article. Read it at http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/12/the-4-rich-countries-where-women-out-earn-men-with-1-huge-caveat/266343/
On the other hand, Warren Farrell holds the position that men earn more has nothing to do with prejudice. See http://www.scribd.com/doc/95368382/14/Conclusion-Toward-a-New-Vision-of-Men-and-Women to learn why.
“Can’t afford a lawyer in custody court? Read this!” http://leonkozioljd.wordpress.com/2012/12/13/cant-afford-a-lawyer-in-custody-court-read-this/
And you thought your case was bad? A Wayne County, Michigan Circuit Court judge is on administrative leave following a report that he impregnated a woman who was a plaintiff in a child-support case before him, and allowed her to help choose the sentence he would impose on her ex-husband. Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2012/12/08/married-detroit-judge-allegedly-slept-with-child-support-plaintiff-let-her-pick-ex-husbands-sentence-video/#ixzz2EYTTNXIW
The New York Times published an excellent editorial about the International Child Abduction. Read it at http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/12/opinion/chafin-v-chafin.html?adxnnl=1&ref=todayspaper&adxnnlx=1355329038-IXUS5UwWt1gs//+a3Cyp8Q&_r=1&
PAS Intervention is a federally tax-exempt non-profit dedicated to Ending Child Abuse and Parental Alienation through educational awareness, research/development, free online support groups, legislation, legal and any other venue available to us. For more information and resources please click http://www.pas-intervention.com/
End Parental Alienation is another site in the fight against PAS. Visit http://www.endparentalalienation.com/End_Parental_Alienation/Welcome.html to learn more.
“D Is for Divorce: Sesame Street Tackles Another Touchy Topic” is a Time Magazine article about PBS’ long search to approach the subject in a healthy way. Read it at http://healthland.time.com/2012/12/10/d-is-for-divorce-sesame-street-tackles-another-touchy-topic/#ixzz2GZm6PRXE .
Musician Tim McGraw sings of “My Little Girl.” Read the lyrics and listen to the tune at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtEljyPivZc
Read – Book Blurb
Working With Alienated Children and Families, A Clinical Guidebook,” edited by Amy J. L. Baker, S. Richard Sauber, was published in December, 2012.
This edited volume is written by and for mental health professionals who work directly with alienated children and their parents. The chapters are written by leaders in the field, all of whom know how vexing parental alienation can be for mental health professionals.
No matter how the professional intersects with families affected by alienation, be it through individual treatment, reunification therapy, a school setting, or support groups, he or she needs to consider how to make proper assessments, how to guard against bias, and when and how to involve the court system, among other challenges.
The cutting edge clinical interventions presented in this book will help professionals answer these questions and help them to help their clients. The authors present a range of clinical options such as parent education, psycho-educational programs for children, and reunification programs for children and parents that make this volume a useful reference and practical guide.
Purchase it at http://www.routledge.com/books/details/9780415518031/ .
Rosalind Sedacca Writes – Parental Alienation After Divorce: Never Take It Out on The Kids!
Divorce conflicts between parents can get ugly. And too often parents tend to vent or share this anger about the other parent with one or more of the children involved. The results can be devastating - not only for the "target" parent, but for the children, as well. This is just one form of parental alienation which is a serious and very complex set of behaviors which often feel justified by the alienating parent.
The problem is that children get caught in the middle, are often confused about being told disrespectful things about their other parent and can learn to manipulate both parents in ways that are destructive for the child's socialization and ultimate well-being.
When any parental disagreements reach into your children's lives, you are treading in dangerous territory with long-lasting consequences. How you handle the situation could play a crucial role in determining the ultimate outcome in your family conflict.
Here are some important strategies to consider, suggested by divorce therapists, to open the door to healing your relationship with the children you love:
• Strive to maintain contact with the children in every possible way. Take the initiative when an opportunity presents itself.
• Remember, your children are innocent. Don't take your frustrations out on them by losing your tempter, acting aggressively, shaming or criticizing them.
• Never reject your children in retaliation. Threatening that you don't want to see them if they don't want to see you only adds fuel to the fire.
• Stay empowered by not allowing the kids and your ex to determine the parameters of your contact with them. Avoid waiting until the kids "feel" like seeing you. That time may never come. Step up and schedule your time together.
• Don't waste precious time with the children discussing or trying to change their negative attitudes toward you. Instead, create enjoyable experiences that speak for themselves.
• Avoid impressing or "buying" the kids' affection with over-the-top gifts and promises. Spoiled children create a life-time of parenting problems for everyone down the road.
• Never dismiss your children's feelings or counter what they say - even if they admit they are angry at or afraid of you. While you may be right, the children will more likely feel you're just not listening or don't understand them.
• Temping as it may be, refrain from accusing the children of being brain-washed by their other parent or just repeating what they were told. Even if this is true, chances are the children will adamantly deny it and come away feeling attacked by you.
• Don't ever bad-mouth your ex in front of the kids. This only creates more alienation, along with confusion and further justification of your negative portrayal to the children. Be the parental role model they deserve and you will be giving them valuable lessons in integrity, responsibility and respect.
Parental alienation behaviors are not turned around overnight. But by following these suggestions you are moving in the most beneficial direction you can on behalf of your children and laying the foundation for keeping your relationship as positive as possible.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the internationally acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids ... about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide(TM) to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! For free articles, her blog, coaching services and other valuable resources on child-centered divorce, go towww.childcentereddivorce.com
Recall D-A-D Acrostic Dictums – by Don Mathis
Duty And Discipline – My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it. – Abraham Lincoln
Design A Destiny – I don't know who my grandfather was; I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be. – Abraham Lincoln
Delight At Discernment – A wise son maketh a glad father. – Proverbs 10:1