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HELEN DALLEY: The figures bear out just how difficult in practice 50/50 shared parenting is. According to the Bureau of Statistics, just 25,000 Australian children live in a shared arrangement. But the more shocking question for society is why do a staggering 300,000 Australian children see their nonresident parent only once a year or never. Fathers groups blame systemic bias, denying dads access to their kids. The parliamentary committee, chaired by Coalition MP Kay Hull, blames the adversarial legal system.

KAY HULL, CHAIR OF COMMITTEE: The adversarial system takes away control and takes away responsibility for parents to sit down and rationally determine where their children are going to live.

HELEN DALLEY: Men's groups claim that part of that adversarial system is the overuse of AVOs - apprehended violence orders - at the start of a separation.

RAY LENTON: In a sense, they're lollipops. If you want one you go and get one. You know, I'd say the majority of women who walk into the Family Court would hold an AVO.

HELEN DALLEY: What worries fathers like Grahame, is that in his experience, AVOs are used as a weapon to isolate one party, usually the man, even when there's no violence.

GRAHAME BERRY: It then means that all negotiation has to go through two solicitors, basically. You cannot have face-to-face discussion, you can't ask simple questions and get simple action. It takes months and months for anything to happen and of course it's very expensive. I'm unable to make contact with my son or to arrange contact with my son.

HELEN DALLEY: The parliamentary committee says it backs this up. It heard many stories where children were left distressed waiting for a parent to turn up for contact only to be disappointed. But equally, Kay Hull says they also heard of resident or custodial parents using AVOs to deny access.

KAY HULL: Grandparents who had AVOs taken out against them so they couldn't see their grandchildren. Without doubt there are people who desperately require protection and their children desperately require protection and they are seen to - I think to suffer from the overuse and indiscriminate use of AVOs of people who are wanting to abuse the system and use this instrument as a way and means of getting at the other partner.

HELEN DALLEY: According to Dads in Distress, a major problem for men is the resident parent holds all the power and much pain is caused if that resident parent takes the children and moves far away.

RAY LENTON: The surprise attack, you know, that you come home and there's a note on the fridge saying, "I've gone to live with Mum", and you don't see the kids for another year or so. You know, that happens all the time.

HELEN DALLEY: And then how does the law back up that situation?

RAY LENTON: It doesn't. The law can't meet that situation. One of them can go to school right now, take the children out of school, disappear to some other part of the country, and it's up to me to find them and that's legal. There's nothing anybody can do about it. Either parent does not have the right to isolate their children from the other parent.

HELEN DALLEY: But equally, there are resident mothers who experience that same heartache and anguish. Shannon Bentley's three-year-old was literally snatched off the street by the child's father.

SHANNON BENTLEY: So I walked up towards the person and said, "What are you doing?" and with that, the person picked her up and turned around and I saw that it was Terry.

HELEN DALLEY: So the father came and snatched her?

SHANNON BENTLEY: Yes. Picked her up, looked at me, basically shook his head and just ran very fast down the alley.

HELEN DALLEY: How long ago was that?

SHANNON BENTLEY: November 17.

HELEN DALLEY: And have you seen your child since?

SHANNON BENTLEY: No. I haven't even spoken to her.

HELEN DALLEY: You don't know where she is?

SHANNON BENTLEY: No.

HELEN DALLEY: How she is?

SHANNON BENTLEY: No.

HELEN DALLEY: Little Abbey-Rose's dad had regular access to the child three days a week. Federal and State police are currently looking for Abbey-Rose and her father, Terry Mason.

So how are you feeling about not having seen your little girl?

SHANNON BENTLEY: Oh, totally devastated...sorry. I've missed Christmas with her and her birthday. It's just very hard.

HELEN DALLEY: The only communication has been text messages from Terry Mason to Shannon on her mobile phone.

SHANNON BENTLEY: Basically he doesn't intend bringing her back and the police will never find him where he is.

HELEN DALLEY: So he's said to you, you'll never see her again.

SHANNON BENTLEY: Basically, yes. He's got no intentions of bringing her back. He thinks he's got away with it.

HELEN DALLEY: Even when there's no conflict, there are some fathers who just cannot manage 50/50 shared parenting because of inflexible work commitments or inappropriate housing arrangements. There are others who simply move away from the family and don't want more than occasional access.

'JULIE': The residency for us has always been that the children have been with me the whole time. They were very young when we separated and in fact, the baby was breast-fed at the time.

HELEN DALLEY: Single mum Julie says contact with their father is really important for her children. She claims that despite her encouragement, her former husband wants occasional access, but when it suits him.

'JULIE': He has always maintained a strong bond with the children. I've always insisted that he have regular contact. In fact, on some occasions I put my foot down in regard to that.

HELEN DALLEY: Even Dads in Distress coordinator Ray Lenton, who also supports people going through the Family Court, admits that legislating for 50/50 joint custody might be ideal, but not a realistic solution for most separating families. What men really want is more control in children's lives.

RAY LENTON: I don't think there's a lot of men out there would actually want necessarily residency. What they want is to be involved in their children's lives. So my argument is that the 20 per cent, the fortnightly contact regime, that's the problem.

JULIE CLARK: Michael, Michael. Just take it easy.

HELEN DALLEY: But one family believes they've got the parenting right.

JULIE CLARK: OK, you pair, out of the pool now. It's time to get ready to go to dad's, come on.

HELEN DALLEY: Julie Clark and her former husband John Lehoczky split the residence and parenting of their four sons right down the middle.

JULIE CLARK: The children live with me here at this house for two weeks and then every second Sunday they go back to John's house and they live there for two weeks. So it's, you know, straight down the line, 50/50.

HELEN DALLEY: Without involvement of lawyers or the Family Court, Julie and John work from a basis of cooperation and trust to split parenting, housing, costs and decisions about their children. Whatever recriminations they have between them are put aside for the kids. John, what is at the heart of what you and Julie have achieved here?

JOHN LEHOCZKY: Love your children more than you love yourself. Love your children more than you hate your ex. Simple. How you going, peoples?

ADAM LEHOCZKY: Myself and the younger brothers we've all had the opportunity to have both parents significantly involved in our lives instead of as happens most of the time only getting, you know, a weekend per month or whatever it is.

JOHN LEHOCZKY: Chicken as usual.

HELEN DALLEY: This family's success story is what the government wants for all children caught up in divorce. But even Julie and John believe their example wouldn't work for everyone. Nor can it be forced on separating families.

JULIE CLARK: No, no, definitely not. You can't legislate, sort of, when there are human emotions and stuff involved.

RETIRED JUSTICE TRAVIS LINDENMAYER: Education is the only way people's behaviour will be changed and I think the Government needs to put a lot more money into educating parents about the responsibilities of parenthood and about sharing of parental responsibilities and that's one of the aspects of the report of the inquiry that I think is very well done.

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